


Migraine

by Septicflower



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:28:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6170957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Septicflower/pseuds/Septicflower





	Migraine

_Am I the only one I know, waging my wars behind my face and above my throat? Shadows will scream that I'm alone_

I flop onto my bed, my arm going over my eyes to prevent me from seeing the light. More tears fall down my face as I grip the sheets below me.

_I-I-I-I've got a migraine and my pain will range from up, down, and sideways. Thank god it's Friday cause Friday's will always be better than Sunday's cause Sunday's are my suicide days._

I should just end it, it would be simple enough, no one would miss me, but I'm still scared for some reason. I don't know why, I've considered it so many times.

_I don't know why they always seem so dismal, thunderstorms, clouds, snow, and a slight drizzle, whether it's the weather or the letters by my bed, sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head_.

Getting off my bed I walk to my computer, putting in my password. Skype pops up, I'm getting a call from Mark. My hands work without my consent, clicking answer.

_Let it be said what the headache represents, it's me defending in suspense, it's me suspended in a defenseless test, being tested by a ruthless examinant that's represented best by my depressing, thoughts, I do not have writers block my writer just hates the clock, it will not let me sleep, I guess I'll sleep when I'm dead, and sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head._

'No! Why did I do that?' I quickly turn my camera off so that Mark can't see me. On the screen I see Mark, with a huge smile on his face. "Hey Jack! What's up!" I gulp as I prepare to keep my voice steady. "Hi M-ark. -hic- N-nothing much" fuck- Mark's face shows nothing but concern and worry. "Jack? What's wrong? Please turn on your camera." Taking a deep breath I speak "N-nothing's wrong Mark I'm -hic- just f-fine." If possible his face shows even more concern now, his brows furrowing. "We both know that isn't true Séan. Now please tell me what's wrong, you can tell me anything." Mark says with a serious tone.

_I'm not as fine as I seem, pardon, me for yelling, I'm telling you green gardens, are not what's growing in my psyche, it's a different me, a difficult beast feasting on burnt down trees, Freeze frame please, let me paint a mental picture portrait, something you won't forget, it's all about my forehead, and how it is a door that holds back contents that make Pandora's box's contents look nonviolent_.

After I don't say anything Mark speaks again. "Séan, you don't have to tell me what's wrong if you don't want to, just please turn on your camera."

I don't know why I do it, but I do what he says. I see myself at the tøp of the screen, I'm a mess. My hair is greasy and sticking to my forehead, my face is pale and tear stained, my eyes are now a dull gray. Mark looks like he is about to cry. I shouldn't be doing this, I'm just burdening him with my problems, he doesn't care about me anyway.

_Behind my eyelids are islands of violence, my mind's shipwrecked, this is the only land my mind could, find, I did not know it was such a violent island, Full of tidal waves, suicidal crazed lions. They're trying to eat me, blood running down their chin, and I know that I can fight or I can let the lions win, I begin to assemble, what weapons I can find, cause sometimes to stay alive you've got to kill your mind._

Mark finally speaks, "Séan, oh my god..." I attempt to give him a smile, "I'm fine, really Mark. I just- I just want to talk okay?" Mark hesitantly agrees, and we talk for hours, eventually my sadness starts to go away, but it doesn't last, the voice in my head comes back with more force than usual. _He's not really your friend, you're just forcing him to do this, you're disgusting._ 'No! He is my friend and I am not forcing to do this!' I try to fight back but the voice is stronger. _Who would want to be your friend? You're just a waste of life, you should just kill yourself_. I can feel tears stream down my face. _He will never love you back_. That's when I snap. I start sobbing uncontrollably and clutching my hair, mumbling no over and over.

"Séan! What's wrong?! Please tell m-" "I'm sorry!" I cut him off, ending the call."

Mark's point of view

I'm scared. No one has been able to contact Jack since our Skype call. He hasn't posted anything on YouTube or any other social media. There's only one way to reach him now, I buy a last minute plane ticket to Ireland.

*le time skip*

When I get to his house I knock on the door, no response. I check the doorknob, it's unlocked. Entering, I start yelling out "Jack! Where are you?! " That's when I hear a crash from the other room. I sprint to the door opening it, finding Jack, passed out on the floor, blood everywhere.

"No... Please, no, no, no..." The blood is coming from the many cuts on his arms. "Séan, please wake up..." I hear a quiet groan from below me "M-mark?" "Yeah Séan, it's me. I'm here now. It will be okay, everything will be okay." A few silent tears fall down my face. "Mark, p-please don't cry... I'm sorry." "Séan, don't say that. I'm gonna get you cleaned up now okay?"

He weakly nods and I pick him up, noticing how light he is. He probably hasn't been eating. I carry him into the bathroom, setting him up against the wall.

*time skip cause I don't want to write all the details*

I gently set Jack on his bed, sitting down next to him. He curls up next to me, putting his head on my leg.

Jack is quietly snoring. I move my hand to the top of his head and play with his hair.   
I decide to say something that I've wanted to tell him for a while, at least he won't hear me, right? "... Séan, I'm in love with you. I love how you try to make everyone happy, even though you're going through hell. I love how you can lighten up a room with your laugh. I love how you try your hardest at everything, even if you know it isn't possible. I just love everything about you. If I had more courage than I do I would tell you this when you're awake and not asleep on my lap. But that will probably never happen because I'm too scared to lose the most important person in my life, and my best friend..."

*Jacks point of view*

Woah... did I just hear Mark say that? No this is just a dream, any minute now I'll wake up all alone, like always.

But, I hear soft humming coming from above me. I open my eyes and see Mark's beautiful chocolate brown eyes gazing down at me, a small smile on his lips.

His cheeks instantly redden. "D-did you hear that?" He asks nervously. "Yeah, I did." "I'm sorry Jack, I know you don't feel the same way. I'm sor-" I cut him off by placing my lips on his. When I pull back his eyes are wide and his mouth is slightly open.

"I love you too ya doof." I laugh as Marks blush intensifies. Suddenly he starts smiling. "I love your laugh so much. Séan, you are so perfect."

*3rd person*

Mark gasps as he is pulled down to meet Jack's lips. It's a short, chaste, kiss, but he can feel the emotion behind it. When Jack pulls back there are tears in his eyes. Mark asks him what wrong but Jack assures that he is fine.

"I'm just... so happy. I never thought that this would happen. Mark, I knew that I had feelings for you when we first met, I never thought that you would feel the same. It tore me apart, it made me insecure and it made me feel horrible about myself, but now that I know, it just makes me so happy... I love you Mark." Jack's smile is brighter than Mark has ever seen it and he can tell how genuine it is.

"Oh Jack... I love you too, none of this seems real, it feels like this is all a dream."

As Jack and Mark continue talking they find themselves in a laying position, Jack's head in Mark's chest. Jack falls asleep first, Mark playing with his hair.   
As Mark slowly drifts off to sleep he whispers, "I will never leave you alone"

 


End file.
